Angels among Us

Our Priesthood/Relief Society lesson today was taken from Elder Jeffrey R. Holland's last conference talk, "The Ministry of Angels." As I listened to the lesson, I was more than ever confirmed in the belief that I mentioned in last week's post, that obedience to our covenants can enlist the Lord's aid in our protection and in protection of those we love. Sometimes it frightens me to think of how fragile life is, particularly when I think of my children. (I know I probably should have more faith, but the fact remains that sometimes I do get scared and discouraged). There are so many things that could happen to them, things that I have no power to control: illness, accident, the maliciousness of strangers. But I was heartened today, listening to the teacher and to the comments of those around me. It is clear that the Lord does not leave us alone, no matter how difficult our trials. (Perhaps its during those difficult trials that he is even more present with us). And that it is frequently through these angels--seen and unseen--that he gives us his comfort and protection. I don't think that this means that we are guaranteed that nothing difficult will happen to us if we follow God. What I think it means is that we are guaranteed is that, when things are hard (and they will be), God will send others to support us and lend us strength when we no longer have enough. Whatever form these angels take (friends, family, strangers, spiritual beings--both familiar and unfamiliar), I am grateful for their presence in our lives.

This may seem a somewhat somber note to start our post out with, but I find myself in a reflective spirit tonight. I certainly don't have much to say about this past week, having already exceeded my usual quota of posts for the week. I can (and will, probably) post about what happened yesterday, but before doing so I want to post a bit about some things I've been thinking about lately. Those of you who aren't interested in my introspection can skip to the end where you'll find more pictures of the kids. (A good friend of mine and former roommate once told me that sometimes when I talk I'm interested in communicating--but sometimes I just want to hear myself think. She learned how to ignore me whenever I was doing the latter. You can use your judgment as to which of these modes this post falls under.)

So, Dan has this job offer at SUU, and it seems highly probable that we'll take it. Dan has been sending out feelers about loan possibilities, and we've both looked online at real estate in the area. (It seems getting a real job means finally being able to afford a real house.) All of which makes the proposed move seem slightly more real, but not, for all that, any easier to contemplate (for me, at least). I should probably explain. I'm thrilled for Dan that he's found a university that appreciates him for the great worker and teacher that he is. And I'm happy that he's found an opportunity close to his family and an ideal balance of teaching and research. But in all of this, I find I'm not entirely certain what my place is. I'm the kind of person who sometimes finds change difficult, even good change. And in this particular case, there's not only the move to a new environment (which, on the whole, I think will be good for our family), there's a change in my role. I realized that most of my adult life has been at least somewhat defined by my position in academia. When I haven't been a student (with the exception of my eighteen months as a missionary), I've been a teacher. I hadn't realized how much of my identity is tied up with this sort of intellectual position until I was faced with not having it anymore. (I realize that chances are good that eventually I'll come back to teaching; I'm just talking about the immediately foreseeable future). I think that being home full time with my kids will be good for all of us, but it will certainly be an adjustment for me. I'll have to find new (and hopefully better!) ways of measuring my self-worth. I know I'm not the first to go through an identity crisis of sorts with a shift in roles (from student to employee, from employee to full-time mother, from full-time mother to employee again when the kids are older--there are endless variations on this theme). And I know that this is, for now, where I should be. But knowing all this with my head does not necessarily make the transition any easier! But I'm working on it.

Enough of the self-assessment. For those of you who have been dying to know what we did this weekend, I'll keep you in suspense no longer (although I apologize if it still seems like this post is about me--an inevitable evil since you get all this through my perspective, but also because yesterday my schedule was the busiest one). I got up early (for me) yesterday morning to go to the temple with one of the girls I visit teach (her idea, not mine, unfortunately--I wish I could claim it was mine!). It was a wonderful way to start the day, and the first time I've been to the temple twice in two weeks in more time than I care to admit. It was also (if I can be permitted a brief return to the topic above) good for me mentally and spiritually: I came away with the strong sense that, although I don't know exactly what the future holds for me, I can trust the Lord. He's never let me down so far, and I can trust him to do the same for me in the future.

I came home to quickly change and get Evelyn ready for her swim lesson. Dan and Andrew had just finished with Andrew's lesson when we arrived at the pool. I gather that Andrew enjoyed his lesson; Evelyn, poor baby, did not. The instructors had us blow in the babies' faces (this makes them draw in their breath) and then dunk them in the water. I suppose the point of this is to help the kids get used to holding their breath underwater--all I know is that Evelyn hated it. She screamed on and off for the rest of the lesson and wouldn't let me hold her out away from my body. Maybe next week will go better.

We came home from the pool and I took a quick shower, fed Evelyn, and then Dan and I switched kids. I took Andrew with me for a celebratory lunch with my friend Karin (our birthdays fall two weeks apart) at Red Robin, and Dan put Evelyn down for a nap. Karin and I had a good time catching up--she's facing a similar identity crisis to mine, it turns out; she's probably going to quit her part-time job as a Physician Assistant as soon as her husband can find full time employment (he's been working several part time jobs). Our sons (Andrew is about 8 months younger than Ezra) had fun giggling with each other across the table and, finally, resorting to giggling under the table. I figured that under the table was preferable to Andrew's earlier attempt to climb over the back of the bench (I don't think the couple behind us liked us very much), so I let him do it.

While I was out playing, Dan was home multi-tasking. While watching Veronica Mars (for like the fourth time), he finished our 2008 taxes. I have to say, I'm impressed.

After Andrew went down for a nap, Dan took our car down to get it inspected. This took an unexpectedly long time--both kids were up when he got back (Evelyn for the second time) three hours later. There followed the usual rites of dinner, bath, and bedtime, and then I headed out to go shopping with my sister, who was in desperate need of a new pair of jeans that fit. Of course, in the first store we tried, she tried on perhaps eight or nine pair to no avail; and I (who wasn't necessarily looking) tried on two pair and actually bought one. She did finally succeed, much to our mutual relief. We had a lot of fun, though, giggling in the dressing rooms over certain hideous combinations more than was seemly.

And finally, as a reward for your patience in slogging through this overly long post, some pictures from today. We didn't get Andrew in his Sunday clothes (he was napping when these pictures were taken), so you'll have to settle for his pajamas. I love Evelyn's green dress, which was a hand-me-down from her cousin Emi. Isn't she beautiful? (As we were arriving to church today, Brother Tippetts met us in the parking lot and asked, "Who's the most beautiful girl in church today?" Meaning, by implication, Evelyn--although the Korean foreign exchange student staying with them promptly answered, "Me, right?")