This week has been--again--a busy one. Dan started new faculty orientation on Monday and had a slew of meetings all week (making it difficult to get his real work--getting ready for classes--done). He was especially excited about the sexual harassment workshop. I also ended up at a couple of meetings--one for the Humanities department and one for the English department, both of which lasted longer than I'd anticipated (although I probably *should* have anticipated that they'd run longer than planned). Apparently, budget cuts have led the dean of the Humanities department to downsize foreign languages--the university will no longer offer majors in French or German, only minors (and the professors, not surprisingly, are not happy with the situation). Ah, the joys of departmental politics!
We also had a bunch of social engagements--dinner at the university president's house Tuesday night (although not, apparently, *with* the president, who was upstairs entertaining Senator Bob Bennett--but they did make a short appearance mid-meal); a more informal dinner with the science department on Thursday, and then another potluck with the English department on Friday (I'm teaching one course of freshman English).
My own meetings raised mixed feelings in me. The English department currently only has one person whose area of specialty is rhetoric and composition, and she's pretty busy running the campus writing center. Which is to say, I get the feeling that some of the people in the department are excited to have a trained rhetorician in the neighborhood and, although no one said anything to me directly, I get the feeling that some members of the department are waiting for me to decide that I want a more involved role in the department. (But who knows? maybe this is all just my ego speaking.) And of course, because I like to please people, this subtle pressure sent me into another introspective phase. Should I be willing to work more? (I found myself wondering this particularly because the department's most recent full time hire--although not tenure track--is an LDS mom with two little kids, who thanked me for not applying to her job, since I have more qualifications--read: degrees--than she does). Maybe I do have something I can offer the department. Then again, I'm pretty sure that our family isn't finished yet (no, this is not an announcement), and I enjoy spending time--most of the time--with my kids. Just out of curiosity, does anyone besides me find themselves revisiting decisions they'd thought they'd already made? Or am I the only one who's chronically indecisive?
At any rate, all of this is a long winded lead-in to the insight/epiphany that came to me while I was waiting for the Oquirrh mountain temple dedication broadcast to start. Since they'd asked us to be in our seats a half hour early, I had the unexpected luxury of time alone to think (Dan and I took shifts today--he went to the morning broadcast and I went to the afternoon one). I flipped through the notebook I carry in my scriptures and found myself rereading some notes from previous conference talks, stake conference, etc. I won't bore you with all the details from the notes, but two things struck me forcibly: first, Iwas reminded that families should be our greatest priority in this life (for men and women), since it is one of the few things we can take with us; second, I was reminded of impressions I've had before (this week, even, during a conversation with our neighbor), that God has something in store for me and that my experiences--at home and with the few classes I teach--are preparing me for this. What this may be, I don't know--almost certainly it won't be exactly what I imagine. But the bottom line is that as long as I continue to follow promptings as best I can and live my life the way I think God wants me to, he will continue to mold me in ways that I need to be molded in order to do whatever it is that He needs me to do. (And I need to remember that the roles he thinks are important are not always the ones that I think are). While I may be putting off a "career" now (in the sense the world thinks of it) to be with my children, I am not being asked to sacrifice a meaningful and valuable life--God will find ways to use me and my abilities, such as they are, as long as I continue to trust him (or try to).
And here are some little reminders of the rewards of being with my kids.
Evelyn, at the park near our home--she loves the tunnels, although once she slides down into the bottom she can never climb out by herself.
Andrew has taken to piling all the pillows from all the couches onto one couch and using it variously as his pirate ship, his hide-out, or whatever other vehicle his imagination requires.
Our yard has this sandbox that just kills me--it's an open sandbox with really no easy way of covering it, and I know that the neighborhood cats must view it as one giant kitty litter box (you can see the sandbox in the background, up the steps behind the kids). And yet, I can't seem to keep Andrew away from it if he's outside. So we've been trying to figure out alternatives--I found this sand and water table on sale at Walmart, and think this may be the solution we've been looking for. We still need to get rid of the original sandbox, but at least this is something he and Evelyn can both play with. And I only wore one blister into my palm trying to screw the legs into the base.
This morning, Andrew and Evelyn were being unusually quiet. This is what they'd been doing--removing all the books from the little bookshelves in the corner. I have no doubt who the mastermind was behind this--funnily enough, when we put the books back on the shelves, Evelyn was much more helpful than Andrew was (she kept trying to put books in the same spot, so I had to help her, but she was quite the little helper).
And this, for no reason other than the fact that I was amused by Evelyn's equal facility in going backwards and forwards on Andrew's old riding toy.
1 comment:
It must run in the family. I am also chronically indecisive and constantly wishing i was changing the world outside of the home, then in the home, then outside
again!
I just remind myself that I can have it all, but it won't be as sweet or as good, unless I narrow my embrace.
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